Everyone has their own idea of what it means to be British. For some it is the inalienable right to call someone a Paki and think that is okay because Brit is short for British, just as Paki is short for Pakistani. Only context says the truth is somewhat different. It has always been used as a soft or hard form of racism, usually directed as an insult at those of Indian, Bengali, Iranian, Turkish, Sri Lankan and, yes, even Pakistani heritage. Sometimes there is a four-letter prefix to the name. Often, there is a brick, thrown as punctuation. Us Brits are sticklers for good grammar.

But this post is not about the Strictly Come Dancing debacle, (which Bruce Forsyth and even Kenny Lynch are now digging themselves into) this is about the speech of one David William Donald Cameron (I don’t think that name or his family background will please those concerned about England being ruled by those of Scots heritage) and his use of the words Britishness and British, the latter being used 13 times in his speech to the Conservative Party conference in Manchester.

According to Cameron’s speech, to be British is to be open-minded, especially on issues of race, that being a part of the ‘organic’ nature of Britishness that he posited. To be British is also to be generous, giving when Comic Relief come calling and, presumably, when a chugger accosts you in the street in the name of whatever it is they are selling this week. He also says that ‘to be British is to be sceptical of authority and sceptical of the powers that be’, which may spell bad news for anyone wishing to become an elected representative, never mind become Prime Minister.

To be British is also, according to Cameron, to have an instinctive love of our countryside, which I cover in We’re British, Innit, explaining how that particular area starts in any place where there is more than one tree and enough room to walk a dog. Though I imagine Mr Cameron’s love may include the reinstatement of the British love of setting dogs on wild animals and tearing them apart under the direction of those on horseback. Though I am not sure how the Conservative Party will reverse the current legal status, as their supporters said that legislating on the issue was a gross waste of Parliamentary time.

So, in summation, the Modern Conservative view of Britain is that we are anti-authoritarian animal lovers who like giving to charity and welcome those of all creeds and colours. Sound like a bunch of anarchists/lefties and crusties don’t we? I am surprised the Tories didn’t use something by The Levellers as their campaign song. Actually, the message in this track sounds suitably Tory and possibly even Thatcherite.